Sunday, September 13, 2009


It is with a bit of sadness that I say goodbye, or perhaps only see you later to homeschooling.

I always assumed I would homeschool. I wore my babies, slept with them by my side, though not traditional co sleeping, responded to their needs, and nurtured their nature and spirit. I assumed and hoped that the natural next step would be to homeschool them. It was my dream, and what I wanted to do. Beyond that I felt like it was what all the "good" Christian mamas did with their babies. I couldn't bear the thought of letting them go away from me for long hours during the day in an environment that I wasn't a part of.

But last winter the sailor went away for two weeks and I realized that I wasn't good on my own full time with the kids. It wasn't that I couldn't do it, but I wasn't good at it. I was alone. While I have built a great group of friends here that I know I can count on, I'm not sure that homeschooling is an option without my husband here for extended periods of time. I really struggled for the time that he was gone, and was not a good mother. So I enrolled the bee into a two day a week preschool program. My mothering improved greatly and our lives became much better.

We intentionally took the summer "off" to see how things progressed this summer. It wasn't good. I was not able to manage my ADD and work with my children AND not lose my patience with them. After an almost hellish summer my husband and I decided that homeschooling might not be the best path for us.

During the summer we also had the bee re enrolled in speech therapy. She has a speech delay, but she tests far above her age. She is freakishly smart. I don't want to be 'that' mom, but my daughter is really advanced for her age. I wasn't sure that my ADD combined with her intelligence, and my own lack of patience would provide a positive homeschool environment.

That all being said, we are still open to homeschooling. We want our children to thrive, and I'm not convinced that always happens in a homeschool environment, but I'm also not always convinced that it happens in a school environment. I've finally come to a place where I realize that different things work for different families. I'm not cut out at this point in time to be a homeschooling mama. Perhaps later I will be, perhaps not.

I have the highest respect for homeschoolers, and know that more often than not they provide superior education to any public school. I may join their ranks some day. Only time will tell


Jenni said...

I feel ya. I think one of the biggest revelations I had after becoming a mother, and then the mother of two, is that I am far less patient than I thought. It broke my heart to see how big my shortcomings could be. :( But thankfully God can make my weaknesses such a teaching tool and a means of grace for my kids. When I can admit my faults to them, ask their forgiveness and let them see that I deal with it before the Lord with a contrite heart, it is the gospel in action. We are still working through the homeschool option in our family, as well, and we don't yet have an answer. I know what it is like to juggle everything with a husband that is away a lot. And I know that you are an awesome wife and mom.

Michelle said...

Amazing how things change as kids grow. I think it's great that you listen to your kids' needs, even when it means your plans totally change!

Joyful Melody said...

Hi! I just found your blog when I was googling a pancake recipe (and the pancakes turned out great!). We use freshly milled flour, too, and as I started reading around I saw you reference ADD...which I also have. Anyway, just thought it was neat to find someone I had a bit in common with. I think it's good that you're taking the time to figure out the option that is best for your family, and not just doing something that causes you stress because it is what your original plan was. Home or public schooled, your kids' education is in God's hands, ultimately, and He'll take care of them.

Just out of curiosity, I was wondering if you had any options in place for managing your ADD...I am going to have a post up on my blog about managing ADD w/o meds.