It is with a bit of sadness that I say goodbye, or perhaps only see you later to homeschooling.
I always assumed I would homeschool. I wore my babies, slept with them by my side, though not traditional co sleeping, responded to their needs, and nurtured their nature and spirit. I assumed and hoped that the natural next step would be to homeschool them. It was my dream, and what I wanted to do. Beyond that I felt like it was what all the "good" Christian mamas did with their babies. I couldn't bear the thought of letting them go away from me for long hours during the day in an environment that I wasn't a part of.
But last winter the sailor went away for two weeks and I realized that I wasn't good on my own full time with the kids. It wasn't that I couldn't do it, but I wasn't good at it. I was alone. While I have built a great group of friends here that I know I can count on, I'm not sure that homeschooling is an option without my husband here for extended periods of time. I really struggled for the time that he was gone, and was not a good mother. So I enrolled the bee into a two day a week preschool program. My mothering improved greatly and our lives became much better.
We intentionally took the summer "off" to see how things progressed this summer. It wasn't good. I was not able to manage my ADD and work with my children AND not lose my patience with them. After an almost hellish summer my husband and I decided that homeschooling might not be the best path for us.
During the summer we also had the bee re enrolled in speech therapy. She has a speech delay, but she tests far above her age. She is freakishly smart. I don't want to be 'that' mom, but my daughter is really advanced for her age. I wasn't sure that my ADD combined with her intelligence, and my own lack of patience would provide a positive homeschool environment.
That all being said, we are still open to homeschooling. We want our children to thrive, and I'm not convinced that always happens in a homeschool environment, but I'm also not always convinced that it happens in a school environment. I've finally come to a place where I realize that different things work for different families. I'm not cut out at this point in time to be a homeschooling mama. Perhaps later I will be, perhaps not.
I have the highest respect for homeschoolers, and know that more often than not they provide superior education to any public school. I may join their ranks some day. Only time will tell